waves . of. sadness .

... and how to  grow and conquer them!

For the most part, most who know me would agree I am generally a very happy and peaceful individual. Like anyone else, I too have my days, sometimes series of days, where I find the task of leaving my bed undesirable, unfathomable, and uninteresting. Sometimes my depression sneaks back up on me, when I am least prepared, and almost suffocates me. During this time, I cannot adequately take care of my basic needs (health of spirit, body, and mind), I cannot assume responsibility for any of my previous commitments, and everything within me just feels heavy. I feel weak, I feel more vulnerable to vicious negative thought loops, and I feel dis-empowered & unmotivated. Simply put... I don't know what to do with myself or where to even start.

Strangely enough, these random spouts seem to follow days of high productivity, feeling great, and most other things going rather swimmingly.. yet they still exist.

What I've learned...

This is a bold opportunity to clearly see the distinction between uplifting and the more humbling experiences in life, both which hold equal power in revealing more about our own true nature for maximal soul growth.

Oftentimes, I mistake "external successes" - manifesting material/financial/relationship success, receiving recognition & validation for hard work/ job well done from mentors, peers, friends and family, completing a "to-do" list, etc. as a substitute for true, meaningful soul growth. What I mean by soul growth: moving beyond identification with the physical/superficial world, and growing towards spirit identification. The acceptance, understanding, and living as one universal collective consciousness. Treating life and every moment as if "you are not a wave in the ocean, but rather you are the ocean".  Instead of continuously defining yourself and the quality of your life based on the material possessions, rewards, superficial, financial, external appearances/forms of your reality, you focus on molding your soul, expanding upon the innermost unique qualities and infinite power you hold to shape a harmonic experience for yourself and all life you share this space with. It is living the truth of the phrase "we are all one, I am you, you are me, together we are we" ...rather than getting caught up in ego games, selfish patterns of indulgence, and inflating our own sense of self-importance.

In light of very new learnings I am still digesting regarding the "tantric path"=

"It is about saying "yes" to what is happening, rather than denying it, judging it, rationalizing it, excusing it. If there is a feeling of anger, I say "yes" to its existence and create a ritual around it. Saying "yes" to anger does not necessarily mean expressing it. Only after I acknowledge that there is anger, the next step reveals itself to me. The acceptance of what is brings us deeper to ourselves. The denial of it creates separation."

...it becomes clear I must accept any uncomfortable feelings in order to store the positive teachings and ultimately make my way back to discovering the omnipresent and abundance of ecstasy in life-energy all around me. I must not judge, fight, resist, or denounce any unpleasant experience, and learn to welcome the unwelcomed. -For this is how we surrender, accept, understand, and ultimately grow to appreciate the unpleasant experiences of the moment.

The worst thing I/you could do in my opinion, would be to let these unpleasant moments define us, truly rob us of our infinite potential and radiance for any extended period of time. They are merely a brief reflection into the current condition of our soul and subconscious mind, just revealing deeper truths we may (choose to) be blinded to on a normal day-to-day basis or seek escape from. There's no need to run from yourself, because truthfully, we all experience these soul/life/personal growth pangs. Every feeling of brief discomfort is the death of a thought/obsession/habit/self-dialogue that must occur to create space for love to fill that void. It is up to us to let-go and ultimately be present enough to consciously choose what to fill that void with.

Always in Love & Light,
Tong-Tong